Dominic's Birth Story

Finally getting to write this!

First, the short version for those who dread gory details about birth stories. Of course, most people who bother to read birth stories revel in those, but just in case, here's the quick points!

Raymond Dominic was born about a week and a half past his due date on 11/12/13 at 11:07 p.m. at Sentera Norfolk General. He was 9 lbs 3.4 oz and 22.5 in long! I have no idea how he came out of me. All I can say after he was born is that I am super thankful that I live in the 21st century and modern medicine is available to me. Not only was Dominic just a big boy coming out of a pretty little lady, amniotic fluid was actually leaking so pressure was on for him to get out... and then he had meconium in his lungs, had tied his umbilical cord in a knot probably during the first trimester, and looped it around his neck... someone has to make sure those nurses and doctors are working, right?

But he is here, happy and healthy and doing great! I know God must have some big plans for this little guy, because even the fact that he made it through gestation having such an impressive knot in his cord is quite the miracle. For those who want the play-by-play... read on!

So I was expecting Dominic to show up right around November 1st.. if anything, I had this gut feeling that he'd be here earlier! My sister took a week off of work and came down to watch Clare while he was suppose to be born. Well, turns out Dominic knew we just weren't quite ready yet since our renters in our old house gave us 3-days notice that they did, in fact, have military orders for November 1st. So while my sister could watch Clare and we'd arranged our work schedules to have time off, we did a bunch of work on the old house.

By the grace of God, we were able to get in a renter by November 15th! It really is amazing... I really wanted to help someone out with our ability to rent out a house. I even messaged a few of the sob story "please we need a place to live" ads on craigslist - not a single one e-mailed me back! The woman who is in our house now is a military widow living there with her son. Turns out she is a diabetic and her sister, a nurse, lives across the street. She needed to move, but really wanted to stay in the neighborhood to keep her son in the school district and be close to her sister. She just saw the old renters moving out and came over when we were working on the house to inquire. Look at how God works things out!

I was hoping that all the work on the old house would trigger some labor progress, but no such luck. Another grace of God thing - even though my mom wasn't able to come down and help out at all, Raymond's mom had some frequent flier miles saved up and some vacation time. This time, we weren't pulling the plug prematurely, however! So my very gracious MIL was on standby... everyone waiting on Dominic.

Doctors appointments came and went... always the same "could be any day now" message. That and Dominic was pushing his head so hard on my cervix, it was likely my water could break and he'd create a seal and I might not know. Which could lead to infection...so add a little paranoia to the list of waiting! Of course, waiting while doing everything we could to naturally encourage labor.

Finally, on the morning on November 12th, after having gotten the first decent night's sleep in weeks, I woke up and got ready to go to our scheduled doctor's appointment. And something felt... different. I had a feeling that my water may have broken. So we made sure to bring Clare's day bag and our hospital stuff to the doctor's appointment. Sure enough, when our doc did the "q-tip test" - it's kind of creepy, they can test if fluid is amniotic with a special q-tip that will change colors - it was a darker blue than she had ever seen! So Raymond was charged with dropping me off next door at the hospital immediately and then taking Clare to a friend's house. We called his mom and headed right over.

I still didn't feel any contractions, so I was the calmest check-in ever. I think the staff appreciated me and the scheduled C-section lady joking around with them instead of screaming and freaking out for admittance.

Once they got me back to a labor and delivery room, after I had a few snacks and something to drink (no one was going to deprive me of nutrition this labor! I almost died of hunger and thirst and didn't have much strength during Clare's birth to push - I mean, really, you're going to take food away from the skinny pregnant lady with a crazy metabolism who is suppose to push a baby out of her???), and prayed morning prayer, they got me hooked up for monitoring. Much to my surprise, I was having contractions every 3-4 minutes! They did an ultrasound to check fluid levels, and confirmed that it was leaking...slowly, but fast enough to need to induce some stronger contractions. The doctor also estimated a 9-lb baby.

Now, at this point, a more intelligent person would have said bring on the epidural! Pitocin AND a big baby on the way? Let's be smart about this. But I was determined to not have an epidural this time. The wise and very experienced nurse had me sign release forms for medication just in case, so she could quickly get them if I changed my mind. In my opinion, the epidural last time was scarier than actual delivery, and I was handling these early contractions in stride!

Fast-forward a few hours, and, after Raymond had gotten there with some fresh food to supplement the snacks I've had packed for weeks, labor was really moving. And that pain thing..that was starting to kick in. I used my one IV-dose of pain killer, and pretty soon it was time to push - maybe early evening?

Anyway, pushing didn't go so great. Other than the pain and me screaming and swearing more than I probably have in the entire 2-years since since Clare's birth, something was wrong. Every time I had a contraction, and especially every time I pushed, Dominic's heart-rate was dropping - a lot. Just as I had done with Clare, I started screaming for them to cut him out of me. I get the feeling they hear this a lot, so there was a calm insistence that a C-section wasn't necessary. I bartered for an epi, but was told it was too late.

But... I couldn't calm my breathing. They kept telling me to take slow deep breaths during contractions, but I was hyperventilating and not able to control it. I knew that Dominic needed the oxygen, but I just couldn't do it. They put an O2 mask on me, which helped, but I still couldn't get in control. They wanted me to take a break, because pushing was putting too much strain on Dominic. But the only thing that made the contractions bearable WAS pushing. Apparently there were several people in and out to check on me... a specialist..the specialist's supervisor... all I knew was that I was in pain, his heart-rate was dropping dangerously low, and they thought something was going on with his umbilical cord. Raymond was more aware of the conversations, but I was just trying to breathe.

A doctor came in and gave me my options. All I know was that the first one was an epidural, and I cut her off there! This anesthesiologist was amazing! My own personal angel, come not just to take pain away, but to make it possible for my son to get oxygen. They had her in within moments (here's to the nurse making me sign paperwork early!) and, as scary as that needle is, we made it through. She actually was able to get it done between contractions, and I was able to keep my body steady enough to not have problems.

Then we had maybe two hours of rest and careful monitoring.The whole time the nurse never left my side and made sure that I was in a position to keep pressure off the umbilical cord. I could finally focus on breathing slowly and deeply and Dominic and I were able to rest.

When it was time to push again, it was a completely different story. I could still feel everything, but I was actually able to focus on pushing him out since there was very minimal pain. Half an hour in, the final pushing "set" came and they were getting everything ready super quickly. In the first push, he completely came out!

But we weren't out of the woods - Dominic came out looking like a limp, gray noodle. The team immediately got him to the baby warmer and got him breathing and the merconium out of his lungs. As soon as I heard his cry, I could relax.

You know your baby is lucky when the hospital staff is passing around the bucket of afterbirth admiring the knot your kid tied in the umbilical cord! And Raymond declined taking a picture of it. We were just happy he was out and alive!

I've got to say, I really don't know how I would have made it before modern medicine. I mean, I know that in a way complications are less likely and delivery is easier with some non-hospital methods... but we make big babies. I'm very happy for hospitals and nurses and doctors and epidurals and heart rate monitors and all those things!

Alright, a few last pictures and this birth story is complete!

Yea - he's a big boy!

Clare and Dominic meeting for the first time.

Community vs. friendship

Let me be perfectly clear: we have an awesome young adult community in Hampton Roads. Every night of the week there is some holy and very welcoming activity going on. There are great parties almost every weekend. So... Why do I feel so isolated? 

I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels this way, so I guess that's why I'm writing a public post about it. For me, there is a big difference between "community" and friendship and discipleship. The community is so large and there is so much going on its possible to slip right through the cracks. There's also a very self-sufficient/self-determinant feeling - everyone is welcome, but it's up to you to show up and unlikely anyone will particularly notice if you are missing. Hope you come next time. We have a great network of activities, but, at least for me right now, very few meaningful relationships. 

You see, we're just all really busy people. I know for me between immediate family, work, and some semblance of a personal prayer life I'm swamped. I go to one community activity a week with any regularity and I'm so drained I just absorb...I don't even know the names of all the other regulars. And there aren't a lot of us at that particular group. I can't remember the last time I truly invested in a new local relationship. In other words, I can't remember the last time I really made a significant effort with a specific individual other than my husband and daughter.

But we don't live in a vacuum. And there are times when I just really miss friends - not parties, not gatherings or prayer meetings... Just the people who I know well enough to just randomly watch a movie with or go for a walk together. To hang out... And to be there for each other when life is tough and to call me out if I am being a bum. Or to call on when I'm struggling and ask for help... Especially if my husband is particularly busy with work. Or to be there to be called on with no awkwardness. Or better yet, the friends who just know you well enough to do things like step in and help without being asked. 

In my case, I realize that most of those people in my life have slowly moved away. While emotional phone support from LA or Anchorage or.... is great, it'a not the same as someone in the area. And I've been too busy to prioritize fostering any new relationships beyond a surface-level. When I think about the people in the community, I feel like they all already have their little immediate social circles established and the close friend quota is filled. So I don't pick up the phone and call anyone to hang out and build those relationships I desperately need. 

But who else has close friends who have moved? How many people are new to the area? How many single people don't even have a spouse to lean on? How many of those people I assume have close friends are actually feeling the same need - the need for something deeper? Who needs that personal phone call?

Then I get stuck in a cycle. When I really feel the need to have those friendships is when I have a personal need. And the time to "make new friends" isn't when you need something out of the relationship. Then whenever I manage to get "back on my feet," so to speak, I'm too busy catching up on all the work I neglected to take the time to build relationships. For me, that makes about 2 weeks out of the past year that I've really felt the burn of not having close friends - and that means that for about 50 weeks I was just doing my own thing and not making an effort. 

 I know I have to break that cycle. After this baby is born and I'm not just an energy vacuum, I've got to find a way... For real, this time. 

Who else feels this way? Who else is longing for a few deeper personal relationships and discipleship? I'm really curious how widespread this feeling of isolation in the crowd actually is... 

Decent Parody Music Videos!

Inspired by Olivia's blog and it's embedded video, I decided to go on a search for good clean parody/comedy music videos.  Here is what I found as far as some videos worth watching!

The YouTube playlist is 20 minutes long with six videos. Please, comment if you know of other good ones so I can add them to this blog and the playlist.

Virtue Makes You Beautiful

I have to hand it to the Mormons on this one! Voices leave some to be desired, but good video. 

Dolores - Bob Rice Parody
I can't post parody videos and not post the one I helped the youth ministers/youth at Christ the King make. Embedding isn't working, but here is the link.

Candlelight - The Maccabeats
I LOVE these guys and all they do for the good of parody videos everywhere.

Dad Life - another classic

Pregnant and I Know it
I just found this one, and given I've got about two weeks left until our son makes his public appearance, I love it! 

Bless You 
Cute Catholic song/video - but not very well done. Just cool conceptually. For some reason I can't embed, but here is the link.

While I was looking for music videos, I found this playlist of commercials turned into Catholic commercials - great for stuff like intros to youth group talks! Most of them are really well done.

Anyway, hope you enjoy - please, let me know if you find others that are worth watching!

Ash Wednesday 2013...

And so we begin the season of Lent. A time for prayer, for fasting, and alms giving. I usually have these grandiose ideas of what I want to do for Lent. But I never seem to have the time to live it out. Or determination... But it really feels like it comes fdown to time in my life.

So this year I'm doing something... Different. I'm fasting from the new. No new projects. No new groups... I'm finishing the slew of projects in post and development that I've already begun. I'm going to finish only the projects around the house that we have already begun. I know it may seem silly. But this is far more of a challenge for me than adding something new or a food or media fast. I may write more later... But there is my declaration!