Writing has always been my primary form of processing. I used to journal and blog constantly, in addition to my daily diet of songwriting and every form of writing for school assignments. Then I graduated from undergrad and somehow all the other aspects of life slowly got in the way of writing. I think now is the time to return to some form of public reflection. Who will read this? I don't know. But here are a few reasons that I've decided now is the time.
- I've really been trying to separate my personal and my work life. I still believe there is merit in doing so, but I think I went a bit far over the past year. Some people I usually work with regularly didn't even know I was pregnant until after Clare was born. I just...dropped off the face of the earth. I didn't want to admit that my family life might affect my work life and just turning down work seemed like a better option at the time than telling people that I couldn't commit to working on set because of morning sickness.
The last statistic I heard was that the film industry consists of about 97% men to 3% women. I think female directors are only 1-2% these days. We all know that secularism and lack of family values run rampant in the film industry. Perhaps hiding my family side so completely from my work life isn't the best way to be an example. This blog may be where those two world come together a bit more...
- I still need to process my ideas. I think part of the reason why I let blogging go over the past few years is that I had other short outlets for blurbs. We could always have a youth group session about something that was bothering me, or I could write a short film and get it out of my system. Well... I'm not very active in youth ministry anymore, and most of my films span years instead of months now. I feel the void.
- It seems like the "mom" thing to do. I'm one of those now, you know.
So why the title of "Striving for Faithfulness"? I guess that's become a bit of a theme in my life. Deacon Darrell (paraphrasing saints) really emphasizes the importance of differentiating between worldly standards of success and God's standards for success. The world defines our success in ways like money earned, popularity, possessions, etc... God's rubric has far more to do with our obedience to His will and faithfulness to who He has called us to be and what He has called us to do. It's not to us to know why we are who are and are driven to do the things He drives us to do. I may spend years working on a script that I never see produced. But maybe there is a reason for that script to be written that I don't know about. It's a thought to be developed further.
More and more I think I need to be more open about my life and how it is possible to work in the film industry and be a Catholic wife and mother. Today, for example, was a pretty typical day for me. I got up early with my 4 month old, Clare. After she ate, we moved to the living room and she rocked some swing time while I reviewed notes on an animation I'm directing and sent out a few follow up e-mails to some clients. Then Raymond and I ate breakfast together and fed Clare her very first rice cereal. I have to say, she was quite cute and confused by the whole process!
After breakfast I helped Raymond with some of his work, then headed into Regent to record a voice over session. After the session and an animation production meeting, I headed home and met back up with Raymond and Clare (they'd been out making some work-related visits). Drive times back and forth were spent in prayer. When I got home, we played a few songs on rock band and made and ate a late lunch/early dinner. Then I took off with Clare in her stroller for an afternoon walk and called my mom and some friends to catch up. As soon as Clare fell asleep, I pulled over at a park bench and pulled out my laptop and got a few pages written on a feature script I'm writing as part of my MFA portfolio. When my battery died we headed home and I did some housework until Clare woke back up. We played for awhile, then I got back to writing my feature once she fell asleep for the night.
This is my life... I don't know if it sounds boring or interesting or somewhere in between, but the point is it is possible to make movies and actually be part of a family. Do we have the cleanest house or make the most money? No. Would it be possible if I didn't have such an amazing husband? Probably not. But that is, in fact, the subject for another post.
