I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels this way, so I guess that's why I'm writing a public post about it. For me, there is a big difference between "community" and friendship and discipleship. The community is so large and there is so much going on its possible to slip right through the cracks. There's also a very self-sufficient/self-determinant feeling - everyone is welcome, but it's up to you to show up and unlikely anyone will particularly notice if you are missing. Hope you come next time. We have a great network of activities, but, at least for me right now, very few meaningful relationships.
You see, we're just all really busy people. I know for me between immediate family, work, and some semblance of a personal prayer life I'm swamped. I go to one community activity a week with any regularity and I'm so drained I just absorb...I don't even know the names of all the other regulars. And there aren't a lot of us at that particular group. I can't remember the last time I truly invested in a new local relationship. In other words, I can't remember the last time I really made a significant effort with a specific individual other than my husband and daughter.
But we don't live in a vacuum. And there are times when I just really miss friends - not parties, not gatherings or prayer meetings... Just the people who I know well enough to just randomly watch a movie with or go for a walk together. To hang out... And to be there for each other when life is tough and to call me out if I am being a bum. Or to call on when I'm struggling and ask for help... Especially if my husband is particularly busy with work. Or to be there to be called on with no awkwardness. Or better yet, the friends who just know you well enough to do things like step in and help without being asked.
In my case, I realize that most of those people in my life have slowly moved away. While emotional phone support from LA or Anchorage or.... is great, it'a not the same as someone in the area. And I've been too busy to prioritize fostering any new relationships beyond a surface-level. When I think about the people in the community, I feel like they all already have their little immediate social circles established and the close friend quota is filled. So I don't pick up the phone and call anyone to hang out and build those relationships I desperately need.
But who else has close friends who have moved? How many people are new to the area? How many single people don't even have a spouse to lean on? How many of those people I assume have close friends are actually feeling the same need - the need for something deeper? Who needs that personal phone call?
Then I get stuck in a cycle. When I really feel the need to have those friendships is when I have a personal need. And the time to "make new friends" isn't when you need something out of the relationship. Then whenever I manage to get "back on my feet," so to speak, I'm too busy catching up on all the work I neglected to take the time to build relationships. For me, that makes about 2 weeks out of the past year that I've really felt the burn of not having close friends - and that means that for about 50 weeks I was just doing my own thing and not making an effort.
I know I have to break that cycle. After this baby is born and I'm not just an energy vacuum, I've got to find a way... For real, this time.
Who else feels this way? Who else is longing for a few deeper personal relationships and discipleship? I'm really curious how widespread this feeling of isolation in the crowd actually is...
